The Careful Care and Feeding of Sports Equipment

< /on > sarcastic bitterness

Ok.
Carefully evaluate this sentence and see if there is anything confusing about it:
"If you leave your bike outside all the time, you will ruin it."

Did I stump anyone?
Did I toss out words with too many syllables?
Was I vague?
Did I speak in the English tongue?

In the interest of full-disclosure, let me state the other method in which I have tried to convey this message:
"Jason, put your bike away. If you leave it out all the time it will get ruined by rain and sun and ice and snow and rain and sun...."

Anyone?
Anyone?
Bueller?

Wait.
What was that?
You say you UNDERSTOOD what I said???

That is astounding.
Because I have to say, I thought it was possible I speaking some rare Hungarian dialect. After all, I have said that phrase repeatedly over the past...oh... year.
Yet the bike never gets put away.

And now... guess what?

(Oh common... you can do it. Put your thinking cap on.)

Yep.
Chain rusted and fallen off.

Yesterday Jason said in an oh-so-innocent voice: "Should I just put my bike out for the trash?"

Of course I wouldn't let him, and I again pressed that if he had just put it away....
But NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (Steve Martin voice)....
I just don't understand. Never being put away is NOT the reason the chain is now rusted, broken, and fallen off. It just BROKE! Apparently I don't get it... the chain just rusted and broke. It has nothing to do with the fact it lived outside in every possible weather condition.

(clear throat)

Oh... and in case you are wondering.... the bike is still lying on its side in the yard -- in the same exact place it has been for the past several months.
I guess a rusted chain isn't enough.
We're gonna go for something REALLY big... like fully-corroded handlebars and a split-open seat.

I would ponder the reason he doesn't care is that he will now just use his skateboard... but he has already ruined that (and his sister's) using the same "Putting things away is too boring" method of sports-equipment care.

It's too bad adults and/or stepmothers are so dumb.
Otherwise they might do something useful... like provide advice on how to keep a bike from being destroyed.


sarcastic bitterness < /off >